Monday, November 23, 2009

Bus Bus Magic Bus

I know it's been a while.  I won't flatter myself into thinking that anyone is paying attention but if you are, I'm sorry.

Where to start?  I'll start with the bus.  Part of my commute to and from work involves a ride on a Boston city bus.  Since Boston is a fairly heavily populated place the busses are usually crowded enough that all the seats are taken and I have to ride standing.  Well, I was waiting at my usual bus stop at my usual time and flagged down a bus in my usual way.  When I got on the bus realized that I was absolutely positively the only passenger.  Since I have an active interior life (I play pretend in my head a lot) I immediately started mentally shuffling through scenarios as to how this could have happened.  The idea that the bus driver had just come on duty was discarded as being too boring.  I imagined reading in the paper about how a Boston city bus driver had been killed and was being lauded postmortem as one of the most dedicated drivers they'd ever had and then seeing the picture and realizing that it was my driver and he'd been killed YESTERDAY.  Then I moved on to how I'm being secretly filmed and the driver was about to start going off his route and how politely and respectfully I handle the situation would later be dissected on some evening news program.  I finally settled on pretending that I was being chauffeured in my own personal big ass bus and relaxed ready to enjoy the ride.  Then I saw this:

For those of you in the know this is a wrapper from something called Always Clean.  It's a wipe that comes with a certain brand of feminine product (and I'm quoting the website here) "restore that shower clean feeling with every change".  Now I don't want to get into a discussion on this wipe's raison d'etre. I do want to point out, though, that the intersection of the set of uses for this wipe and the set of things one does on a city bus in EMPTY.  There is no overlap.  None.

So, it turns out, the real reason I was alone on what should have been a crowded city bus was that somebody violated an unspoken rule of decorum and everyone fled the bus in horror.  That, or it was a ghost-driven bus.  I haven't given up on that one either.

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