Monday, May 17, 2010

Kuckoo for Cocoa Puffs

So you know the voices in your head?  I'm not talking crazy voices that tell you to to shave one eyebrow or that the government is trying to steal your thoughts.  I just mean the ones where you have imagined conversations in your head with people.  Maybe you don't have them but I think you do.


Most of the time I don't think about these voices because they're just expressions of my own thoughts ("Holy crap, it's hot out here." or "Please don't be a telemarketer." or "Where the hell did I park my car?"). 

Every once in a while, though, they surprise me.  A couple of weeks ago I was driving in my car listening to the radio when a new song started.  I think it was Van Halen's "Jump".  If it wasn't it was certainly in an equivalence class with "Jump".  As it started I head the following very clearly in my head:

"Oh, hell yeah!"

What the heck?  I mean, I appreciate this song as much as the next person but I am pretty sure that reaction was not mine.

Should I be worried?

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Oh Fud.

Yesterday was a very nice day.  I got to drive my car with the top down, go to a barbecue, have a yummy burger at Fudruckers, and go see my former football team (sort of  - they've been bought and renamed) give a solid beat down to their biggest rival.

Let me tell you about my trip to Fudruckers.  I love Fudruckers but I don't live near one so my love is generally unrequited.  Obviously I was pretty excited when I pulled into their parking lot yesterday.  I get a little scared, though, when I saw that all the blinds were pulled down.  It looked pretty dead.    Crap, what if the damned place went tets up in the years since I was last there?  I parked the car and walked toward the building hoping fervently that I wasn't going to be disappointed.  As I approached I saw that the windows were indeed covered completely with white opaque window shades.  Ugh.  I also realized that my fly was down so as I was checking out the windows I zipped myself back up.  The entrance was around the corner and when we got there I was elated to see that the door opened into a fully functioning Fudruckers.  I was puzzled as to why they were depriving their customers of a view of the bee-yoo-tee-full day outside so I skipped the order counter and went to check out the dark tomb of a seating area.  Those blinds?  Turns out they were some sort of magical one-way blinds that are opaque from one side and totally see through from the other.  Awesome.  Just awesome.

So to recap, I had an awesome day with a brief interlude of zipping up my pants while standing in the middle of a big window of a surprisingly busy restaurant.  Not that this stopped me from going inside and eating at said restaurant.  I mean, hey, it's Fudruckers.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Odds and Ends

These things don't really go together so I'm just throwing them all into one post.

I was waiting for the bus the other day (to take me to the subway which takes me to the train which gets me to the car which swallows the bird that swallowed the spider that ate the fly...) when I heard this repetitive clinking sound. I couldn't figure out why this sound bugged me so much but it did. It wasn't loud or anything but it was really sort of creeping me out. There was only one other person at the bus stop and his back was to me but it seemed like it was coming from his general vicinity. So there I am standing on the curb squinting around trying to solve this mystery when I finally identified the sound. Usually I feel better when I figure something out but this was not the case here. My epiphany was this: the dude was clipping his fingernails. On the street. Wating for a bus. I'm not talking about a little I-just-snagged-the-nail-on-a-zipper type maintainance, I'm talking a full-on Just-look-at-these-claws-I-really-need-a-mani sort of nail clipping session. Am I the only one who is creeped out by this? Like, really creeped out. Intellectually I know that I shouldn't be, but still.
Obviously, I took a picture.

And another thing:  what is up with people who fill up their soda at the self-serve soda thingy and then take a couple of sips before walking away.  Or worse, take a couple of sips, replace those sips with more soda, and then walk away.  I'm generally a patient person, I think.  Maybe not, I don't know.  Whenever this happens and I'm waiting for my turn to fill my cup I have thise urge to just smack them in the back of their head.  Not so that it hurts, just so that they get a noseful of soda.

Next I have a couple of pictures to share with you. The first one I took a couple of weeks ago in New Orleans. This is on a door in an elementary school lunchroom. I thought it was cool that the President was being used as an example of good table manners (vs Elmo or a sports figure, etc).

The second picture is old but it cracks me up.  Last summer I was at home and I heard a thud from the living room.  I didn't feel inclined to investigate because I have three cats who range in size from 15 to 19 pounds.  Cats of that size make frequent thuds.  Anyway, the next time I went into the living room I learned two things:
1.  Someone had knocked over the fan.
2.  Dennis does impressions.
This, obviously, is his knocked over fan impression.