Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Those Aren't Pillows

OK, there's something I just have to say.

Dear Men of the World,

You know when you stick your hand into your pants pocket and pretend to be jostling your change but you're really scratching and/or fluffing your junk?  You are fooling no one.  No one.  Not even once.

Thank you for your attention,


Monday, March 5, 2012

My Own Worst Enemy

I have been very fortunate in that I was born with a talent for testing well.  Some people might translate that as being smart but...well, let me tell you a story.

I have one of this really big pill containers that has each day of the week labelled on it.  I'm sure you know what I mean.  While I do have one pill (a low dose of blood pressure medication) that I take every day, I have the enormous pill holder because I also try to remember to take a multi-vitamin, fish oil, glucosamine, and various other (hopefully) healthy supplements and those suckers tend to be pretty big.  Other than that one pill, I only ever take Tylenol and when I fly I take Ativan.

This week just happens to have been the week before spring break.  In case you've completely forgotten what the week before spring break is like, the students are almost completely useless.  This is unfortunate since it's also the midpoint of the semester and therefore this week tends to have lots of tests in it.  Anyway, students aren't the only ones who love their spring breaks.  We profs might not jet off to Daytona Beach for drunken revels but we do nevertheless value the week as a chance to travel or at least catch up on grading papers.  I mentioned to my officemate a few times this week how I was really looking forward to spring break because getting up at 5:30 (4:30 on Monday and Wednesday) was pretty tough this week.  Way more snooze button action than usual.  I didn't even go to the gym at all this week.  Clearly, I was in need of a little me time to reboot my system!

So Thursday night I ate dinner and went to bed nice and early in hopes of reading a little and getting a little extra sleep to fix this pre-break slump.  Huppy noticed as she was brushing her teeth that I had not taken any of the pill container contents on Thursday and possibly only the morning half for Wednesday.  Here's what happened:

Huppy (from bathroom):  Did you not take your blood pressure pill today?  Or yesterday?
Me (in bed reading with my eyes closed):  Ummm...no?  Yes?  I'm not sure.
Huppy:  I don't think you did.  Don't you think you should take today's pill?
Me:  (really comfortable in bed):  Well...probably.  Eh, I'll take it in the morning when I get up.
Huppy:  Uh huh.  How about if I bring it to you now?
Me:  Sure, thanks!
Huppy (walking from with pill and a glass of water):  Isn't your blood pressure pill pink?
Me:  Maybe?  It's the only tablet in the pill thingy, the rest are giant horse pill sized supplements.
Huppy (arriving with pill and water and about to hand them over):  I really think it's supposed to be pink.  This is white.
Me:  Huh.  Maybe they changed?
Huppy (not handing them over yet):  Are you SURE this is the right pill?
Me: Lemme see...ohhhh, wow.  Is that...?  Holy crow, have I been taking Ativan instead?!?
Huppy (heading back to the bathroom with pill in hand):  Good grief, Maia!  This IS Ativan.  Where the hell are the pink pills?
Me (laughing so hard I'm crying):  This explains SO MUCH about this week!
Huppy (very much not laughing):  This isn't funny!  If you are doing this kind of thing at age 40 what the hell are you going to do to yourself at 80?
Me (tring not to laugh):  You're right it's not funny...I should probably be a little worried about this situation but, you see, I'm on Ativan.

I found my blood pressure meds in the kitchen in a basket under the pile of supplement bottles.  My BP was still fine despite the fact that I hadn't taken them in almost a week.  I've since gotten back on track there.

Huppy took away the Ativan bottle with the two untaken pills inside.  Since I took most of the ones I had I now have to remember to get a refill before I go to Oregon in May.  I promise to hand that bottle over to Huppy as well.

So, yeah, clearly I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer.