Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Nailed It!

This may come as a shock but I am not the girliest girl around.  That title, I think, might belong to my sister.  Anyway, because of this I really don't have any burning desire to paint my nails.  Well, I suppose if I'm building some shelves or something those nails would need to be painted but...you get my drift.

I probably should like it.  I love art and doodling and I triple-word-score* love matching colors so you'd think I'd dig an opportunity to combine all those likes into a socially acceptable act of self-decoration.

I always thought it was my non-girliness that made this nail painting into a thing that didn't interest me. I've been giving it some thought lately, though, and I think I've pinned down my issues regarding nail painting:

  1. Some people think that if your toenails have been painted that open-toed shoes are not only acceptable but damned near mandatory.  No.  No.  No.  A thousand times no.  Sometimes applying toenail polish is like putting lipstick on a pig.  Now, I am not saying that people with gnarly feel should not be allowed to wear sandals.  Sandals are comfy and it's good to let the feet run free on occasion.  I'm just saying that if your feet have been well used perhaps putting the visual equivalent of a marching band on them is not the best idea.
  2. The second reason that it's not my favorite practice is that it's distracting.  The designs (if there's a design) are so tiny that you have to get a good look to see what they are.  Have you ever seen a cat watching a laser pointer?  That's what I feel like as I track the gesticulating fingertips trying to get a lock on whether that's the Dominican flag or dolphin with a raspberry beret.  It's exhausting.
  3. The third, and most significant, objection I have to the painting o'the nails is this:  there is NO way to tell how dirty those nails are.  Just let that percolate for a moment.  You can't tell me that every person who takes the time to paint their claws is guaranteed to be meticulous about their personal hygiene.  Not in a world of hat = hair wash and cologne = shower.  Think about this next time some food service person who has got John 3:16 printed out in its entirety on each finger gives you your yummies.  How much funk is living under that message of love?

* This is my personal saying for "really, really".  Feel free to use it and if it becomes a meme, we'll know that it all started here.

See?  This would be cool but...no.